Grouch The Oscar or Spending An Evening Complaining About Entertainment

Okay, now that the Oscars are finally over and the noses-upturned-to-anything-interesting committee is able to focus their collective inability to acknowledge good movies towards next year, it is time for me to chime in on a few things.

Okay, since NO ONE was surprised that Heath Ledger was going to win, why is everyone acting like they are? Out of all the films in his hot-fudge-with-sprinkles career, only a handful was actually watchable. Now, outlets like EW and Rolling Stone are calling him the modern James Dean? Give me a friggin’ break. Did ANYONE see the piece of garbage that was A Knight’s Tale? Granted, he was good in The Patriot, but I think that was more because of the story than his acting ability, but people are now citing Ten Things I Hate About You as some kind of zeitgeisty, introspective work of visual art.

I’m not going to go on about this, because it really turns my stomach to see Hollywood (and the general public) get all gushy and sentimental just because dude died. Let’s leave it at this, THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS AN ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE! If it was accidental, then there would have been an eyewitness who was with him watching him do it. It was suicide, plain and simple, and I have NO respect for anyone who thinks their life is so hard that the only way for them to move forward is to cut the cord. Yes, I’m talking to you, too, Herr Cobain.

Anyway, let’s turn our attention to Sean Penn for a moment. Now, I loved the guy in Fast Times At Ridgemont High, We’re No Angels, Casualties of War, and Carlito’s Way. But ever since his portrayal as David Kleinfeld in 1993, it seems that he has started choosing movies for the sole purpose of getting Academy nods, rather than stretching his acting chops. Sure, you can say that he’s smart for doing it, but I think that is a cowardly, and safe, way to go through an acting career. Wouldn’t you rather be someone like Ed Harris or Robert DeNiro, who are great in everything, regardless of the Academy batting an eye at them?

I dunno, I think I’m just sick of seeing Penn’s name in the nominee list every other year. It’s kinda like the same thing with period and political films getting nominated for all the major awards every year. Come on guys, that’s the formula, why nominate the exact same crap every year? That extends to BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN, too. Umm, if period films are so plentiful all the time, do you really need to keep nominating them? What makes one film’s 19th Century-inspired attire better than anothers? Maybe I need to be a seamstress to understand.

And speaking of not understanding, what is up with BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM OF THE YEAR? Granted, I am glad that Wall*E won, but look at its competition. Kung Fu Panda and Bolt? What happened to nominating films of substance? What exactly are the criteria for nominating animated movies anyway? It must be pretty, it must be funny, and it must target 4-year-olds? Seriously, I think this award only exists to draw in the youngsters, who will be able to see the exact same award at Nickelodeon’s Kid’s Choice Awards. It’s kinda like having Grammys nominating Latin artists, but having Latin Grammys, too. There’s no point.

What’s even more confusing, is that I looked up the nomination rules for Best Animated Feature. Check this out, I pulled it right from http://www.oscars.org/:

The Executive Committee of the Short Films and Feature Animation Branch shall meet prior to the last Board of Governors meeting of this calendar year. At this meeting, a Reminder List of the animated feature films released during the year shall be reviewed. If the committee finds that there are eight or more eligible animated feature films that warrant a category, it may choose to recommend to the Board of Governors that there be a Best Animated Feature Film award given this year. If the governors accept this recommendation, the following nomination process shall be set in motion.

Okay, so the category is optional, no problem. I totally understand. Some years there just aren’t any nominatable films for Best Animated Feature – because anything more mind-numbing than Kung Fu Panda shouldn’t be considered. However, did you notice that they need EIGHT films for consideration to have the category submitted? Umm, there are only ever THREE films nominated. Where did the other FIVE go??? On top of that, John “Pixar” Lasseter is part of said committee! The dude is nominating his own movies! One more reason this category is irrelevant.

I really don’t want to go on a rant about The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and the curious case of its 13 nominations. You’ve heard it all before, it’s a half-baked, heartless Xerox of Forrest Gump, you don’t connect with the characters, Tilda Swinton is still a scary-looking bitch, and the tie-in to Hurricane Katrina was completely tasteless. Why the 13 noms? I guess the Academy was bored. Or they were too afraid to nominate movies like Appaloosa and Gran Torino. I thought whenever Clint Eastwood crapped dust, it got nominated. Oh wait, there were racial slurs in this movie. Can’t have that. Because reality isn’t what they go for with Oscar nominations…except Animated Feature.

This brings me to my biggest beef with Oscar nominations. And I have this same gripe year after year (I just never had a blog before). One of the most overlooked, and under-researched categories at the Academy Awards is BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR A MOTION PICTURE, ORIGINAL SCORE. I kinda figured Slumdog Millionaire was going to take this one, because it was so different from everything else.

However, I fancy myself a fan of film scores, and I found that one completely unlistenable. It was noisy, it was chaotic, but it was Bollywood! That’s the politically-correct way to go these days! Seriously, did it win Best Score, because it WAS the best score, or did it win simply because it also took Best Picture and Best Director? Maybe my ears are not attuned to Indian music, but that sloshy, gumbo of an album was little more than a sonic headache. Seriously, the hodgepodge of techno-Indian-dance-hip hop sounded like a bad Nintendo game or some bizarre fetishist amine.

But hey, let’s look at the other nominees.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Alexandre Desplat) – seriously? This was Desplat doing his best Danny Elfman impersonation. Yeah, I get that he was trying to fuse fantasy and drama, but I thought the licensed music for the film (you know, all the old school big band and jazz standards) were much more interesting.

Milk (Danny Elfman) - Speaking of not interesting, this was another one of those moments where Danny Elfman tries to make himself contemporarily relevant by NOT sounding like Danny Elfman. Milk came off sounding more like a cross between Splash and Arthur – uninspired and derivative.

Defiance (James Newton Howard) – and yes, on the derivative tip, here we have another go at standard espionage fare, a la John Powell’s Bourne series, or anything with a spy and guns in it for that matter. Why was it nominated? Oh, it had random cello solos, which drew some comparisons to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (which incidentally won the Best Score Oscar in 2001). Ah, 2001 was actually the last decent year for nail-biting film score noms – Crouching Tiger, Gladiator, and The Patriot? All classics in my book. Defiance, however, is not.

Wall*E (Thomas Newman) – the only one of the bunch I felt deserving of a nomination. Since there was no dialogue during the first half of the film, it was the music that carried the action. I thought Newman did a stellar job combining childlike whimsy, isolation, and adventure in one little eco-friendly, cardboard-sleeved package. I guess the win is reparation for last year's Ratatouille upset. Yes, it is too bad the Academy is deaf.

And while we’re on the subject, I did some perusing at the Oscars website and learned some rather weird things about the committee that makes these bizarre and lackluster nominations. Here are the Board of Governors (as they are called on the site). I should also note that all my info about them can be verified on IMDB.

Charles Fox – primarily a TV composer, whose BIGGEST films include National Lampoon’s European Vacation (you remember, the really bad Pig In A Poke one), 9 to 5, Zapped! and Short Circuit 2. The last feature film he scored was a 1995 talking pig movie called Gordy. Truly a magnificent list of credits. He’s definitely qualified to make these decisions.

Bruce Broughton - also largely a TV composer. Biggest films include Silverado, The Presidio, and Harry and the Hendersons. Last movie scored was a 1998 Stephen Baldwin vehicle called One Tough Cop. Now, don’t get me wrong, he’s done some good things…20 years ago. Again, not really sure if his ears are attuned to making good decisions.

Arthur Hamilton - scored ONE FILM in 1955. He’s primarily a songwriter, who is best known for the tune “Cry Me A River”, (not to be confused with the Justin Timberlake ditty) which was featured in 6 movies. How in the hell is this guy qualified to sit on a board that decides what film scores get nominated for Oscars? That’s like making a 6-year-old teach astro-physics, because he can make paper airplanes.

Now, if I was on the board, what would I have nominated? Glad you asked. Besides Wall*E, I would have cleaned house and NOT even considered the other four noms. That frees me up to make four new choices. I would have nominated the following film scores:

The Happening (James Newton Howard) – Yes, I feel he was nominated for the wrong movie. He also could have very easily been nominated for The Dark Knight (which he would have had to share with Hans "needs more synthesized strings" Zimmer) as well, but I thought this score was much more visceral. It was probably among the best suspense scores since the days of Bernard Herrmann. He should have also been nominated last year for The Great Debaters, but I really don’t want to get into the debacle that was the 80th Academy Awards. I’d just start spewing about how American Gangster was completely robbed of any dignity.

HELLBOY 2 (Danny Elfman) – Again, nominated for the wrong film. Milk was extremely lactose-intolerant, while Hellboy was injected with an ample supply of Nestlé Quik. Sure, you could argue that it is standard Elfman fare, but I would disagree. Sure, most of the work he’s done since the late 80s has been a variation or rehashing of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and Beetlejuice. To this day, I am shocked that Beetlejuice was never considered for an Oscar in 1988/89. But Hellboy II represents a more refined, mature, and no less adventurous Elfman. It’s a score that combines mayhem and heart, which is an odd mix, but Elfman can pull it off.

Mongol (Tuomas Kantelinen) – Yeah, the guy is a complete unknown in America. Then again, so is the film. But holy crap, is this a great, epic score. Kantelinen effortlessly channels the old school Hollywood epic film score legends like Miklos Rosza and Alex North, and offers something passionate and brutal. It’s like what Jerry Goldsmith was gunning for with The 13th Warrior, but better.

Nights In Rodanthe (Jeanine Tesori) – Sure, I know this is completely unbecoming of me, but this is some very moving music. This is also Tesori’s first proper film score, as she is primarily known as a Broadway composer. I have no desire to see the movie, but the music is completely gut-wrenching. It is like a modern classical sonata. Very romantic, and very rare for the world of film scores.

And there you have it, kiddies, my Oscar rant for this year. I really don’t know why I let silly little things like the get under my skin, because ultimately, what is more frivolous than an organization that puts on a multi-million dollar beauty pageant to pay homage to the entertainment industry? Think about it, it’s a show that honors movies. It’s kinda like a paradox, isn’t it? I just hope that somewhere down the line, the Academy Awards will be more based on what people want to see, rather than what Oprah’s Book Club thinks we should see.

So Ends Another Era...

I came home from work tonight and popped onto Facebook to see what everyone was up to, and if anyone was on to chat, and I came across something that floored me. One of my friends posted his status as being “sad that the Original Gangster Rudy Ray Moore aka Dolemite passed away”.

For anyone who doesn’t know, Rudy Ray Moore was a prolific, if not raunchy comedian/actor who rose to fame in the mid 1970s with movies like DOLEMITE, DISCO GODFATHER, and my personal favorite, PETEY WHEATSTRAW – THE DEVIL’S SON-IN-LAW.

I immediately went over to CNN.com to see what kind of eulogy they had prepared for him, and there wasn’t even a blip of a news item announcing his passing. I did a google search and found that RollingStone.com reported on it, stating the following:

Dolemite actor Rudy Ray Moore died last week due to complications from diabetes. He was 81. In addition to being a blaxploitation film icon thanks to Dolemite, his character’s fast-talking, street-walking persona served as a blueprint for many hip-hop stars whom he would inspire. Moore was one of the early champions of the hip-hop culture and collaborated with artists like Snoop Dogg, Big Daddy Kane and 2 Live Crew (on the song “Throw the Dick.”) After starting out as a singer, Moore made the segue into comedy, releasing over 30 comedy albums and appearing in 18 films over the course of his career, but he’ll always remembered for his role as Dolomite, the silver-tongued pimp. Moore helped paved the way for comics like Richard Pryor, as Moore’s records were often so controversial for their language that stores would either refuse to stock his albums or place them behind the counter in brown bags. In 2000, Moore resurrected the Dolemite character for the first time in 20 years for the Insane Clown Posse film Big Money Hustlas. Moore is survived by his daughter and 98 year-old mother.

Sadly, this was written as if it were merely culled from bio information the writer may have found on Wikipedia, not by someone who actually appreciated (let alone was even familiar with) his work. What is more depressing is that IMDB (the almighty authority on all things film-related) didn’t even have a Trivia page or Bio listed for the man. It’s as if he was merely another inconsequential actor wading in a sea of mediocrity.

I am doubly saddened by this whole ordeal, because I have a lot of fond memories that circulate around Rudy Ray Moore. A friend and I used to celebrate his works, with an ample supply of malt liquor, on weekend nights, with many an evening culminating in the viewing and recitation of the aforementioned PETEY WHEATSTRAW or one of the DOLEMITE flicks.

On a trip to New York City this past spring, I even picked up a copy of the PETEY WHEATSTRAW soundtrack on vinyl!!! I was shocked that a label would recognize the understated, classic R&B brilliance of the album. I have even heard that they also released it on CD! Of course I highly recommend checking it out.

More recently, PETEY WHEATSTRAW became a clinching factor in my bonding with a couple members of Snoop Dogg’s entourage during his 2008 Summer Tour (alongside 311 and Fiction Plane). I had bumped into a couple of the guys at a nightclub and mentioned that I remember them from the Snoop Dogg show the night before in VA. We got to talking about the philosophy of Snoop’s music, which is, in essence, an update and a celebration of classic R&B and funk, and we eventually got on the topic of movies. I told the guy (who I later found out was Snoop’s own half-brother Bing) that I was a big fan of those 1970s movies like COOLEY HIGH, SHAFT IN AFRICA, BUCKTOWN, TRUCK TURNER and PETEY WHEATSTRAW – THE DEVIL’S SON-IN-LAW. He was actually awestruck that I had even heard of the movie, most likely because I am white – yeah, I know it’s a semi-racist assumption, but honestly, can you blame me for thinking it?

Although I spent a good chunk of my youth in a suburbanite setting, another good chunk was spent in some not-so-friendly areas. I was somehow drawn to these urban films, probably because of their harsh, yet easily relatable, visions of life. I was captivated by their rawness, their crassness…their ‘realness’. I expressed this to Bing, and I can’t help but think we developed a sort of kinship in that moment, but then again, that probably could have been due to the Cognac. Anyway, we ended up singing the PETEY WHEATSTRAW theme song in the club for a bit, and that is one of those little memories that I will honestly cherish for some time to come.

But back to Moore; his films, while cheaply produced, were full of comic action, music, and inventive storytelling. Moore’s blending of martial arts, gangster action and comedy was pioneering, and to date, I don’t think anyone has managed to bleed the genres as seamlessly as he. Sure, you can say that he wasn’t the greatest actor, but his movies were so full of heart and his passion for expression that you really couldn’t help but adore him. He was silly when he needed to be, but when he was serious, his coldness could chill you in an instant.

Now, as you can see, I was more familiar with his films than his comedy albums, and it does somewhat shame me that his albums have largely passed me by. But I suppose now is as good a time as any to get acquainted with his non-film work. Then again, it may make me just a little bit sadder that another genius has been extinguished. Regardless, I am sure his albums will bring a smile to my face.

Of course, there are many dissenters out there, who would quickly pass him off as a callous, untalented hack. These are people who cannot look beyond a fleeting glimpse; they do not want to understand. And it is even more distressing to think that there are thousands of people out there who have never even heard the name Rudy Ray Moore, because popular media has shunned him for so long. While an incredible advocate (and practitioner) of The First Amendment, Moore was semi-silenced for many years by our lovely fundamentalist, mass appeal media system, which abhors anything that isn’t quite “family-friendly”.

Thankfully, there is a DVD box set out there containing 7 of his classic films, and many of his CDs are still in print, so we can still revel in his brilliance.

Rudy Ray Moore, you will be missed. May your legend live on to affect (infect) many generations to come. Thank you for the memories.

There's a bit of tarnish on THE SHINING

I just finished watching THE SHINING for the first time since childhood, and I came to the startling conclusion that it really did not hold up well over time. In fact, I found it shockingly boring and drawn out.

Let's back up a bit. My fiancee told me that we have to attend a wedding tomorrow up in the mountains at a lodge that reminds her co-workers of The Overlook Hotel, which is actually Timberline Lodge (but you can look that up on Wikipedia on your own). Anyway, I asked if she'd ever seen THE SHINING, and she admitted that it was one that slipped by her.

So I tracked it down, and we watched it. Now, as the film was starting, my memories of watching this movie when I was 6 or 7 came flooding back (the 2 scary dead/not dead little girls in the hallway, the naked lady who gets scabby in the bathroom, poor Scatman Crothers getting hacked up by the concierge, and Jack Nicholson's frozen face at the end). I was thinking about those moments and the fact that EVERYONE seems to consider this a horror classic, so I settled in for a good chill-ride down memory lane.

However, I found myself becoming bored very quickly. Sure, the cinematography was top-notch, and the scenery was stunning...but that was about it. The dialogue was very choppy and uneventful, and Crothers round-about explanation of what "shining" actually entailed and how it related to Danny/Tony didn't really make a lot of sense. People (MANY PEOPLE) credit Stanely Kubrick as some kind of filmmaking prophet, but I really didn't get that from this movie. In fact, the only parts of the movie I actually enjoyed were the aforementioned ones held over from my childhood.

I began thinking of the things that led to my dissatisfaction with the film. First, I started with Stephen King. I loathe the man's books, but once in a while (CARRIE, CHRISTINE, and dare I say it, THE MIST), movies based on his work have an understated, if not cheese-filled charm that make for a pleasant diversion. Then again, since THE SHINING was only loosely based on his book of the same name, I chucked that notion out the window.

Then I moved on to the acting. Of course, you can't fault Nicholson. The guy could be cast in a live-action SMURFS movie and make it convincing (at least his role, anyway). Scatman? Come on, the guy voiced Jazz in the old TRANSFORMERS cartoons. How about Ms. Shelley Duvall? Well, I did enjoy her hopelessly ditzy Olive Oyl in POPEYE (yes, hanging my head, I liked that movie...which probably tells you a little bit about my often easily amused taste). However, I just didn't find her convincing as a weak-willed, yes-man of a housewife. I dunno, her bug-eyes made me think she was more nuts than Nicholson, despite his ski-slope eyebrows and teeth-gnashing.

Okay, so we have one thing that reeked of obnoxious. Also, believe it or not, Kubrick's direction really didn't sit well with me. I know he was trying to push the feeling of isolation and being alone too long with one's thoughts, but everytime they showed Danny barreling down those hallways on his big wheel, I couldn't help but imagine how fun that would have been. Hell, I would have taken it a step further and used the staircases as toboggan ramps, a la GREYSTOKE. Also, Kubrick must have either been short on budget or really wanted you not to forget certain things, because his incessant reuse of several shots -- over and over again -- really started to grate on my nerves. The movie was slow enough as it was; I didn't need another excuse to go grab another beverage (I was drinking hot chocolate, mind you, nothing more).

Ultimately, I was left wondering how I even had the attention span to sit through this same movie during my childhood. I must've either been bolted to a chair, or I wasn't paying close attention to the tv. I'm sure that another 20 years down the line, my memory will abbreviate the film once again back to those fleeting moments. Either that, or I will remember drooling from this viewing.