My Momentary Lapse of Reason

I’ve been on a weird Pink Floyd kick lately. I’m not exactly sure why, but I’m guessing it has something to do with the stress in my life – not having a job, struggling as a writer to make something stick, and fending off the creditors. I feel like the walls are collapsing, and for some reason, Pink Floyd helps take that edge off.

I suppose it goes back to my youth and my godawful home life. As much as I loved metal and that adrenaline rush, Pink Floyd was great escapism music. No matter how bad things were, I could always pop on Meddle or Animals and just get lost in the wilderness of sound.

It’s been a bit of a reawakening for me, actually, similarly to Kevin Smith’s recent re-acquaintance with the glory that was Wayne Gretzky. Floyd’s music takes me back to those times, when although I thought the world was suffocating me, I could always put on the Pink Floyd oxygen mask and inhale life anew. And back then, I really didn’t have that many problems, aside from the emotional stress of dwelling in a broken home, not being allowed to explore or realize my youthful dreams.

I am constantly haunted by the chorus from “High Hopes”:

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The nights of wonder

Why I am fixated on my own past, I’m not quite sure. I’m constantly second-guessing every decision I make. I see my friends and acquaintances moving in a forward motion in their own lives and wondering why I am stagnating, spinning my wheels in a whirlwind of confusion. I know this sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself and engaging in a self-induced pity party. Maybe I’m just struggling for answers.

Pink Floyd were true musical explorers; they never let genre or rules get in the way of their craft, and they were praised for it. Not just praised, but eventually worshipped. I watched a recent documentary on them on VH1, called Which One’s Pink?, and I found myself thinking, would they be even remotely as possible if they had put their first album out in 2008-2009? Sure their sound would be different, but they really didn’t write singles. I think they were a band that existed at the right moment in time, and if you moved them out of it, they might never have gotten to where they went.

I say this, because at times, I feel like I am a person out of place, out of time. Like I am wandering through life, trying to find a path. It’s a little sickening that I am over 30 and still trying to find my way. Why I am posting this in a blog, I don’t really know. And I’m sure the first thing readers will say is, “just get a job, regardless of what it is.” And it’s not for lack of trying. Over the past year, I’ve applied to nearly 100 different jobs in several fields. I suppose I built myself into a little box, having the bulk of my writing and editing experience encased in the world of music, and potential employers might see me as a one-trick pony. I don’t know. At least the sun is shining today.