If Godzilla had an iPod, would you be more frightened, because he really wouldn't be paying attention to where he was walking?

I know I haven't done one of these in a few weeks, and I feel kinda bad about it. I actually get a kick out of them, because they are catharsis for my otherwise miserable existence. So, enough of the jibber-jabber, let's get down to business.

1. CRADLE OF FILTH –“Scorched Earth Erotica”from Bitter Suites to Succubi
~ Nothing says“Friday”like some good old-fashioned gothic-tinged evil metal. But seriously, CoF is actually a fun band to listen to once you get past all the Hellraiser-esque pageantry. I don't know of many bands that can put so many different styles of music into one song, and that is something that always drew me to CoF – their ability to keep me guessing. Jolly stuff!

2. SAM KINISON – Wild Thing”from Youth Gone Wild Vol.2
~ Well, here's a little blast from the late 1980s. I remember the video that got tons of MTV airplay with Slash and all those 80s rockers acting goofy. But with Sam Kinison as ringleader, what did you really expect? I still giggle when I hear the line, "Every time I kiss you, I taste what other men had for lunch!" Hahahaha.

3. MARVIN HAMLISCH –“Nobody Does It Better (instrumental)”from The Spy Who Loved Me
~ And now we cool things off a little with a romantic ditty from one of Roger Moore's most underrated James Bond flicks. While I typically have something against an older James Bond score that isn't composed by John Barry, this one had a bit of charm, despite it being largely disco-based.

4. LOREENA MCKENNITT –“Cymbeline”from The Visit
~ Okay, so we go from tranquil to esoteric. I've always loved McKennitt's ability to weave multiple cultures within one composition. She has this uncanny knack to make Middle Eastern-Celtic-folk-New Age music sound like a legitimate genre. I just wish she's put albums out more often.

5. RICHARD CHEESE – "Stand Up (Ludacris cover)”from I'd Like a Virgin
~ And now all bets are off. If you can make it through a Richard Cheese song and not laugh, you’re a cold, cold person...if you’re human at all. I suppose people look at him like a second rate Weird Al Yankovic, but there’s sincerity to Cheese's performances that Yanky fans really take for granted. You have to give it to a guy who can turn a hardcore rap song into a sultry lounge performance.

6. GOD DETHRONED – The Poison Apple (Eve & Serpentio in the Garden of Eden)”from Ravenous
~ Back on the metal tip, we've got one of the scariest songs I've ever heard. Seeing the band do it live is even more frightening. It's got cutthroat precision, a happy Biblical story, and jaw-dropping guitar solos. While there really aren't a lot of Dutch metal bands that make waves on the international scene, I'm really glad God Dethroned is one of them. Their music is an honest combination of Beauty and the Beast in one mutated organism.

7. THE MEATMEN –“Centurions of Rome”from Rock 'n’Roll Juggernaut
~ I remember when I first heard this song, years ago; I didn't know what to make of it, other than that I loved it immediately. It was like a punk band trying to be Manowar. Eventually, it became sort of an underground fist-banging anthem. If you ever get a chance to see The Meatmen live, I guarantee that you'll be in for an interesting experience. For some reason, while I adore bands that take their craft seriously, I also dig a lot of bands that do it wholly for the fun of it.

8. RAMMSTEIN – "Benzin”from Rosenrot
~ Not my favorite song off of Rammstein's sorely under-appreciated 2006 release, but it does capture the band's unique energy. Rammstein's music intrigues me, because it's like romantic Frankenstein music. It's stiff to the point of rigor mortis, but it breathes with a definite passion. It really is difficult to put into words, but if you open your mind to them, they'll get their meathooks into you.

9. D12 – "UR the One”from D12 World
~ It sounds weird, but this is actually D12's unapologetic attempt at being romantic...well, as romantic as a foul-mouthed, Eminem-acquainted rap group can be. Needless to say, I find myself being amused more than feeling their message. But really, is D12 even designed to be taken seriously?

10. PANTERA – "Rock the World”from Power Metal
~ And closing out our little adventure today is one of those rare numbers that Pantera (and Atlantic Records) has tried to bury for nearly 20 years. This song comes from Phil Anselmo’s 1988 debut with Pantera, when the band was pretty, and Phil sang like his nuts were clamped firmly in a vice. To be fair, it's actually not as bad as most people like to think. Granted, there is a heavy Judas Priest influence on the music (and Phil's voice), but you could already tell the band had a passion for their craft. Honestly, I think more people need to be aware of this album, because it is a classy piece of metal...and it's fun to look at those outrageous hairdos!

"Shuffle Up and Deal!" My Continued Adventures with the iPod

Yeah, I had fun doing this last week. It was a nice exercise, so here's another round for the kids.

1. FICTION PLANE - "Running The Country" from Left Side of the Brain
~ Not exactly my favorite song on the album, it does have a great bass line. I'm not sure if I've seen these guys too many times or what, but this song doesn't really have the same effect on me as it used to. That said, it is a great, bouncy track to start one's day.

2. SERGEI RACHMANINOFF - "Symphonic Dances: 2. Adante con moto (Tempo di valse)" from Isle of the Dead / Symphonic Dances
~ I've always had a thing for classical music that sounded like film scores (or I suppose I should give credit where credit is due, since film score music is derived from its classical parentage). Anyway, I would never have heard of this particular track had I not been perusing the classical section when working at Barnes & Noble several years back. I innocently stumbled upon a disc called Isle of the Dead, and blindly purchased it based solely on the disc's title. It is rare that I make such purposes, because buying something before listening is always a crapshoot, but it is that much more enjoyable when it pays off.

3. LEAVES' EYES - "Twilight Sun" from Vinland Saga
~ Liv Kristine's voice is simply angelic. Of the female fronted metal pantheon, I'd put anything she's involved with in another league. The music isn't contrived (too often these kinds of bands base their lackluster music around the novelty of the female vocals), and, well, she's a friggin' Viking! You also can't go wrong when your backing band is Atrocity.

4. OBITUARY - "Slowly We Rot" from Slowly We Rot
~ Ah, the days of juvenile bliss. Not a groundbreaking release by any stretch of the imagination, this track of metallic sludgery was released way back in 1989. The thing I always find funny about this song is that although the music is primal death metal and the vocals are sick, if you listen closely, the lyrics actually discuss the ins and outs of volleyball -- proving once again why death metal lyrics really don't matter. Good times!

5. BOLT THROWER - "War Master" from War Master
~ Wow, what is this, a high school reunion? Two old school death metal tracks back-to-back. This is another one of those albums that helped me through my "I hate school and my parents" phase. The song has one of the sickest groove breaks about midway through it, and it always gets my blood rushing whenever it hits. Regretfully, Bolt Thrower is among those few iconic metal bands I've never been able to see live. However, they are supposed to headline this year's Maryland Death Fest, so maybe I will be able to check them off the list.

6. BRICKLIN - "Walk Away" from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure soundtrack
~ Yes, it really is high school all over again. First we have some death metal, and now we're revisiting Bill & Ted. This is the track that was playing during the duo's oral report at the end of the film. Normally, I don't like compilation soundtracks, but this one was so innocent and chock-full of unknown bands, my heart kinda went out to it. Interestingly, this soundtrack featured a demo track by the band Extreme before they had actually released their first album. Now I want to watch the DVD. Party on, dudes!

7. MICHAEL KAMEN - "Sanchez is in the Bahamas / Shark Fishing" from License To Kill soundtrack
~ Now I know I shouldn't say negative things about the dead, but Michael Kamen was always one of those overblown film composers that had a habit of trying to make movies bigger than they actually were. Also, he was given the unenviable task of following up John Barry's last (and arguably best) James Bond score. Add to that the fact that it was another Timothy Dalton Bond outing and you've got a recipe for disaster. Kamen actually sounded like he phoned this one in, more emulating Barry than doing his own thing. Oh yeah, R.I.P., Michael.

8. THE ELIMINATORS - "Punta Baja" from Cowabunga! The Surf Box
~ Is it summer yet? Big fan of surf rock, this stuff can brighten even the dreariest of days. And I think another charm of this music is that the songs are usually pretty short, so the band's have to get in, make a poignant statement, and get the hell out of Dodge. This track is off of a 4-disc box set commemorating the rich history of surf rock, and it sounds like something that could have very easily been on the From Dusk Til Dawn soundtrack...or any Tarantino flick for that matter.

9. SIR MIX-A-LOT - "Swap Meet Louie" from Mack Daddy
~ Yes, this is a track off the infamous album that gave us "Baby Got Back". Why is it even on my iPod? Because for some reason, I dig Mix's style -- his enunciation, humorous lyrics, and complete irreverence towards trends. "Swap Meet Louie" is one of those deep album tracks that makes me laugh.

10. CANDLEMASS - "Under the Oak" from Live
~ And our lesson for the week draws to a close with one of the most massive tracks from the greatest doom metal band ever. Messiah Marcolin's vocals just give me chills on this. It is one of those rare live albums that is comparable to a studio album, due to its recording quality, tightness of the band, and classic set list. There was a time when I thought this band could do no wrong...then the singer left...and came back...and left again. They're still a decent band, but they are a different beast than the mythic monster they once were.